Places I Have Gotten Food Poisoning
MONSTER SUSHI’S REVENGE: In the past 7 days I have eaten at the Monster Sushi location on 23rd street in Manhattan twice because they give frequent flyer miles when I use a card and right now I am at VIP status so I get 5 miles per dollar which is doubled if you dine on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. That works out to about 400 miles per meal and that’s before the bonus when you fill out the online survey afterward. That’s hundreds of miles! Free plane tickets! But I digress. Within 30 minutes of each meal I have been overcome with the kind of lower abdominal pain that has one hunched over and on both occasions I have made it to the bathroom just in the nick of time. Crisis averted both times, but just barely. Though this is only a mild case since it has happened on two separate occasions it merits inclusion on this list.
Ate some rancid pizza late nite at this all-in-one cafe and was severely ill for the next 2 days. Attempted to go see Man or Astroman? at the Bowery Ballroom. Went upstairs and passed out in a dressing room and was later thrown out by a band member who shortly thereafter became my editor at a very fine publication of upstanding repute.
In an ill-advised move grabbed a caesar salad and some tuna fish from the steam table at this bodega near a good buddy’s Tudor City home one Friday night. Became violently ill shortly after returning to my Brooklyn apartment. The first attack came midway through the episode of Blind Date that starred Steve-O from Jackass and lasted well into the weekend.
Should have known better than to order a chicken burrito at the Union Square McDonald’s right before closing time. The food poisoning was only mild and I even made it to work the next day. Went to meet a girl I had recently started dating at Saint’s Alp Tea House while still trying to shake the last bits of Grimmace’s Revenge. The relationship ended shortly thereafter.
