From The Annals of Skinheads, Drugs, and Pizza:
I used to sell pot to one of these dudes when he worked at Oi! The Pizzaria. We smoked in the walk in freezer one time through a surgical mask with a fan attached to it that allows you to just hold a button and it burns the bowl for you. Fucking A+ apparatus if you ask me.
Over the last five years and change we have spent a considerable amount of time in the Twin Cities. That should come as no shock to some of you who recognize that Mrs. Disgusting Things I Have Eaten originally hails from the great frozen state of Minnesota. And on many trips to town we have stopped in for a bite at Uptown’s Leaning Tower of Pizza, a venerable Minneapolis institution since 1952, now with two locations to serve you.
In fact we were just there as recently as last January when after inhaling a plate of nachos and copious Budweisers during the first half of Super Bowl XLIII at world class dive The C.C. Club—which more informed readers will recognize as the famous haunt of The Replacements located mere steps away from Twin/Tone mainman Peter Jesperson’s old record store Treehouse née Oar Folkjokeopus—we headed over for a cheesy thick crust nite cap.
Don’t get us wrong, the pizza at Leaning Tower is delicious. It ranks up there as some of the greatest in the entire upper midwest. But one thing that has always struck us as odd is the waitress who has very obviously been lobotomized. If you’ve ever eaten there and been served by her you know exactly what and whom we are talking about.
Old school patrons tell of a time when this woman, whose now saccharine sweet demeanor comes off as almost patronizing, would literally throw the pizza at customers as if she would have preferred to be anywhere else on Earth besides slinging pies. At some point her personality did an inexplicable complete 180 and she somehow landed in her current state.
If anyone out there has any recollections of or experiences with this lobotomized waitress we encourage you to come forward. We offer up this website as your platform to tell the world your story.
Related Video: Pizza loving punks The Ramones doing “Teenage Lobotomy” from the Roger Corman classic Rock’n’Roll High School.
Exotic Late Night Drunken Street Food of The Day: Pizzacone. It’s pizza in cone form! Comes in a variety of flavors such as fried chicken and a four cheese blend that includes both bleu cheese and chèvre. If you are anything like us—and god help you if you are—you’ll be thinking about or even craving the Pizzacone next time you stumble out of a bar 5 bourbons deep on an empty stomach.
On behalf of everyone over here at Disgusting Things I Have Eaten HQ I’d like to wish a hearty mazel tov to our pal Andy, the Inhuman Eating Machine, who took home top prize at the Budget Rock 8 Pizza Eating Contest last weekend. Look at him go! His method of stacking 3 or 4 slices on top of one another and then downing them at once proved effective in taking out a stable of robust opponents. I’d have posted something about it earlier but I am just now prying myself out of the taco induced coma I’ve been in since our Sunday night post-contest celebration.
Peperoni pizza slice tagged on a bathroom wall.
On a related note:
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It’s opened by a ten year-old boy who has a cigar in one hand, a glass of scotch in the other and a tattered copy of Busty BBWs magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman: “Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?”
Little boy: “What the fuck do you think?”
